I received this book for free from the Author in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
Published by: SoCoRo Publishing
on July 25, 2016
Genres: Romantic Comedy
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Keane Morgan wouldn’t return any of my calls or texts, and I was pissed as hell about it. I didn’t want to drive from Seattle to L.A. with the guy any more than he wanted to drive with me, but I had no frickin’ choice in the matter--at least, not if I wanted to use his brother Dax’s coveted parking spot at UCLA.
Okay, so it turned out Keane was objectively gorgeous, and, fine, pretty funny, too. But did he have to be so damned in love with himself? I mean, jeez, the cocky way he flashed those dimples was just so orchestrated. And, honestly, what kind of guy uses the phrase “baby doll” with a straight face? Oh, that’s right: the kind of guy who’s a male stripper.
Yup, the cocky jerk turned out to be Seattle’s answer to Magic Mike, a stripper known as “Ball Peen Hammer”--which meant Keane Morgan was emphatically not the kind of guy I’d ever fall for.
Not. At. All.
No freakin’ way.
Well, until Keane convinced me to fall for him, that is.
Which I did.
Ball Peen Hammer is a full-length, standalone sexy romantic comedy about Keane Morgan (one of four Morgan brothers introduced in The Club Series) and Maddy Milliken (the little sister of Hannah Banana Montana Milliken).
Although Keane and Maddy’s love story is set in the universe of The Club Series, it is a standalone novel with no cliffhanger and no prior reading required. Due to strong language and sexual content, this book is not intended for readers under the age of 18.
Get ready to SIT and SUBMIT, baby dolls…
If you thought ‘THE CLUB’ was HOT…you have NO IDEA what you’re in for! Lauren Rowe takes it to the NEXT LEVEL with her latest bad boy, Keane Morgan, a.k.a. BALL PEEN HAMMER baby!
I’m going to be honest and tell you that the dialogue in this book will make it or break it. I for one, was AMAZED like I liked it so much! Seriously, if you actually knew me, you would know that I absolutely HATE this type of dialogue in the real world, but for this book, it fucking worked! All, I can say is give it a chance, because it will blow your mind and turn you on like no other book has before. No joke! I’ll give you a little taste…oh man, my auto-correct is about to be SHUT DOWN…
“Yeah, you called it, brah. She’s definitely adorbsicles. A cutie patootie, I’d even say.”
“A cutie patootie? Holy shit. That’s next lev. She must be awfully cute.”
“She is. Best girl ever. But just as a friend, you know. An adorbsicles, cutie-patootie friend.” I pause. “But the thing is, Z…” I let out a long, tortured sigh. “I really, reeeeeeeally wanna fuck the living hell outta my adorbsicles, cutie-patootie friend.”
No freaking lie! This is how, our boy, Keane Morgan talks to his best friend Z. It’s ridiculous and yet it’s freaking amazing. It’s like their own freaking language.
The sexual tension between Keane and Maddy was out of control! They ‘friend-zoned’ each other right off the bat, but it isn’t working for Keane. He is used to woman falling all over his yummy abs, but Maddy is like a little sister to him, so he can’t fuck her…right? When the tension is sated and they finally get it on it will take you to the boiling point and beyond. Your eReader will be set on fire with all the delicious dirty talk that Keane spits out. I need another cold shower just thinking about it! With so many obstacles in their way, Keane and Maddy struggle for their happily ever after, but when Keane finally gets his head out of his ass, and ‘mans up,’ they both realize that what they could have…is something unique and special and theirs.
OH! I can’t leave you without some SEXY Keane speak. You. Are. Welcome.
“I own your pussy,” Keane whispers into my mouth, his breath hot against my ear in the chilly night. “It’s mine and I’m commanding it to come for me right fucking now.”
I’m not even lying, I attempted to do this whole review in ‘Keane and Z talk’ but I realized I’m not that talented, and I couldn’t stop laughing enough to get it done. I’ll leave the talent up to the amazing Lauren Rowe.
Ready the Pickles, Keane Morgan is finally here!
Meet Keane in this STANDALONE romantic comedy!
(No Prior reading required)
As they exchange information, I make my way to the end of my aisle and loop into theirs, not taking my eyes off Baby Face the whole time. Shit. This dude’s hunting Maddy so hard, it’s making my blood boil. Jesus, he’s going full-throttle rifle on Maddy’s ass right now, completely foregoing his crossbow altogether.
When I reach the two of them in the middle of their aisle, I shuffle past the dude and stand next to Maddy, shoulder to shoulder, and then, on a sudden impulse, put my arm around her shoulders and squeeze her tight, making her wobble in place at the unexpected jolt to her balance. “Hey, sis,” I say, squeezing her like a rag doll. “You totally fell down on your candy-acquiring duties.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” She subtly wiggles out of my grasp. “Brian and I got into this hilarious argument about the best candy bar of all- time, and—”
“And I’m totally right,” Brian says, cutting her off, and they both chuckle at some inside joke.
“No, I’m totally right,” Maddy corrects.
Brian smiles at her. “I’ll actually be down in L.A. in a month. How ’bout I call you then?”
“Nice to meet you, man,” Brian says, looking at me. He nods but doesn’t put out his hand.
I nod back.
Brian strolls away, buys a Snickers bar and a can of Red Bull, and leaves with a little wave to Maddy.
The minute he’s out the door, Maddy takes a giant step away from me, her face etched with annoyance. “What was that?” she asks.
“That weird thing you just did?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Maddy puts on an exaggerated scowl, like she’s Hulk Hogan eying an opponent. “’Hey, Brian,’” she says in a low voice, clearly intending to imitate me but sounding more like Arnold Schwarzenegger imitating Maddy imitating me. “’I’m Maddy Milliken’s bodyguard and I’m going to beat you the hell up now,’” she adds.
“What are you talking about?” I say, chuckling.
Maddy pauses, assessing me, and finally shrugs. “Nothing. I guess I imagined it.”
“Your weird… I dunno… vibe.”
“Oh, well, yeah. I was worried about you.”
“Worried about me? I was standing in a minimart, buying candy. Pretty low-risk activity, I’d say.”
“Uh, you absolutely were not standing in a minimart, buying candy—you totally fell down on that job, dude. You were standing in a minimart, getting picked up by a douche. And second of all—”
Shit. What the fuck am I doing? I’ve got to stop this shit right now. “Don’t get riled up, baby doll,” I say in my most soothing voice. “All I’m saying is you took so damned long in here, I started thinking maybe the store was getting robbed or you’d fallen into the toilet or something.”
Maddy twists her mouth. “Brian didn’t seem the least bit douchey to me.”
I shrug. “What gave you the impression he’s a douche?”
“Just a figure of speech. So are you gonna do the job I hired you to do or not?” I motion to the candy rack. “‘Cause based on your performance thus far, you’re totally fired.”
“And I wasn’t getting ‘picked up,’” Maddy says, her tone full of indignation. “Brian’s brother goes to UCLA. Can’t I talk to a helpful, nice guy without it being some sort of a sleazy pick-up?”
“Sure you can. However, in this instance, you were talking to a helpful, nice guy who was picking you up so he can bone the living fuck outta ya.”
“Keane.” Maddy’s cheeks burst with color. “Don’t say that. Oh my god. You’re insane. Brian was just being helpful, that’s all.”
“Yeah, so he can bone the living fuck outta ya.”
“Stop saying that. Please. It’s offensive and absolutely not true. This topic of conversation is officially over.”
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Signed Paperback of Ball Peen Hammer